I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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