I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
