Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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