what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
