A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
