but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
