evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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