just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
