Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
