I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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