So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
