It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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