Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
