we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
