I accidentally had phone sex last night
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
