Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
