another moral hangover. fuck.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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