Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
