I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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