I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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