So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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