rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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