We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
