After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
