i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
