All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
