he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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