You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
