Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
false alarm, still single
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
