I CAN MOONWALK!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
