And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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