You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
