There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You pole danced in your parka.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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