Fine. I'll sleep in my office
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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