She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
someone owes me an orgasm
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
