Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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