its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
