You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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