Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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