Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Green mimosas i think yes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
