i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Let's get the cat blown out
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
