The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize