Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
