I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize