I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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