Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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