Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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