this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
