I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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