I will die if light touches me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
