So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize