there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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