Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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