Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
