meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
