we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
