Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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