it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
