Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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