Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
