I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize