If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
