i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
