I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
smell my finger.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
