you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
