She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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