I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize