I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
soo... how was my night?
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