We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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