Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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