Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
