i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
