Define "chronic" masturbator.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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