the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
