A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize