he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
