he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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