Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
