I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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