If i come over, it means nothing
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
