It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
