i think my mom watched the whole time
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
