does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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