So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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