Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize