apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
