'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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