and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't think brook has ever known best
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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