if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
