these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
