So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
