I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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