Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
