I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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