just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
