And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
