they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
