who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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