omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
