dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
