If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize