i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
