Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
